How to get Real Food

​This is something you need to learn early and practice often. When I first moved in with Gary and Susan, I was given dog food.  As you know, ordinary dog food is hard, dry and tastes like cardboard. The humans had plates and bowls and an entire refrigerator filled with Real Food. I had to put them through rigorous training before they learned to give me Real Food. 
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While they are eating the Real Food is the best time for training. First, you must master The Look. Your eyes must remain on your human (or possibly the Real Food in their hand.) Use your eyebrows to make your look as sad as possible. Here is my patented look that I give my humans.

If The Look doesn’t accomplish your purpose, a paw on the knee can alert them to your request. Be careful. Too heavy a paw and it may scratch them and your whole training routine backfires.
Next use your voice. I suggest a subtle whine, a muffled bark, or I have even been known to use a sneeze to get attention on me and my need for Real Food. Again, be careful. Too loud of a bark and you may be put Outside, or horrors, into The Kennel.
As a last resort, you can pray. This is my praying position. Perhaps, praying should be used first.

​When you are offered a delightful morsel, remember to take it politely. Humans never do seem to understand when you accidentally bite them. They are rather unforgiving, in my opinion.

If Real Food is seldom given, you may need to help yourself. Look for Real Food on the counter, on the table, or on a plate left unattended. Of course, there is always tasty Real Food in the refrigerator, but I am still working on learning to open that door. I can, however, open zippered backpacks to extract beef sticks, plastic bags to find crackers, and even a 5 pound bag of flour inside a grocery sack in the back of the car. I wouldn’t recommend flour. It’s rather tasteless and oh boy, the dry mouth that follows!

I have my PhD (Professional human-training Dog) in obtaining treats.